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Nov. 6th, 2008

02:20 pm

I Just realized something today...i'm not really sure why.

I may not be the Best guy in the world....i know i'm not.  No one is perfect.. But I Do Try my best, and try to treat girls the way they deserve to be treated.  And the Thing im not getting is, almost every girl i've dated has told me That I Deserve better than them.  That I can do better than them.  Yeah...truth be told, ... i may be able to do better than them..but its the point that I dont... I want to be with them, and I care about them for who they are.  not that i want better.  I want to be the guy that you'll remember 20years down the road...

But Ive noticed that Being the Nice guy isnt working all that great...I either royally mess up something or just do something stupid.. Im not the only one...everyone does stupid things in their lifetime.  And if anyone tells you they dont..they are lieing to you..I know i've done stupid stuff, im sorry..im only Human. 

I guess Nice guys do really finish last..

Oct. 26th, 2008

02:44 pm

My uncle killed himself last Tuesday night..He left a note.  he basically said that he couldn't take it anymore..and he didn't want to bother his family with his problems.  Not to be sad, that this is what he wanted.  Me and my mom have fighting over stupid shit.  Stuff not really worth arguing about..but when she brings up a subject on Kat....ill fight with that till i win.

Now about me..

I haven't been sleeping at all lately.  When i do sleep its only for 3 maybe 4 hours.  and i toss and turn.  
Also my back is throwing a fit. Friday at work i tweaked it just enough so i couldn't hardly bend over.  
My face keeps breaking out for NO fucking reason..ive been drinking a ton of water..idk what it is..i haven't been eating ne greasy foods or anything either..so idk  
Im in debt up to my hairline.  have a school loan, a motorcycle loan, and hospital bills from my kidney stone i have to pay yet...its ridiculous.  

and Everything hit me all at once Last night..one thing in particular tho.

Sep. 29th, 2008

09:27 am - my puddy Tat..among other things.

Some of you may or may not know...i have a cat now..His name is Zeus...
He keeps me going.  I really don't know what i would do if i hadn't gotten him..
I'm a mental Nutcase basically right now...few of you know why..
its not must one thing..its a whole soupy mess of things..
but somehow i am doing exceptionally good in math..i got an A+ on my first math exam.
but Back to zeus..hes so soft :)
he keeps me going..after school i can just come home and plop on the couch.
and he'll come up and lay on me and purrrrr.  Like someone/something actually cares
cuz ive been lacking in the department lately.  
i can bust out the laser pointer and make him chase it.  
He'll try to climb the wall after it.  lol
id be more a mental case right now if it weren't  for that fluffy hellion of mine

My Grandma is also helping me a lot as well.
 She is in Oklahoma and should be coming back soon..
along with my aunt..That will make things interesting..we always pick on each other.  

basically when wake up every morning, and before to bed every night..i look at one thing hanging on my wall..and it makes me feel a tiny bit better about everything. Though its probably not as meaningful as it once was, but there still something left...

02:42 am - My weekend.

Well..Saturday..Me and my friend andy Went to Ball State to watch the BSU vs Kent state football game..  It looked like it was going to rain when we first got there..but it didnt.  Ball State Owned Kent State..it was a damn good game.  The half time show was Freakin sweet.  Awesome music.  After the game I didnt get to see kat..she had homework and band obligations to attend..so we just walked around the campus..my legs were a lil sore after wards.. lol  We got home and we Rented Movies...Speedracer, Darkness Falls, and Some shark Movie to be exact..  Then we Introduced some Alcohol...Andy had a little bit..but i went ALL out. 17 shots of Vodka...i gues i fell off the couch and layed on the floor for a long time.  and went to bed i wanted to carry my laptop up stairs..but andy wouldnt let me...He had to HELP me CRAWL up the stairs...last thing i remember is fallin on my bed and waking up at 8 feeling like shit..Thats what i get tho.   

I probably shouldnt have done that..but we all make mistakes..


and Kat told me not to talk to her...

Aug. 30th, 2008

08:57 am - Recently

Well Recently ive been moping around i suppose.  kat is at ballstate getting edumacated and its just hard on me.  Im so used to being with her every weekend and i went from that to not really knowing when im gonna see her agian.  It sucks but ill live.  I love her with all my heart and i will do everything i can to to keep her. shes just. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.   

Other than missing my girlfriend like non other ive been working and cleaning around the house.  today*saturday* me and my cuz went canoeing on the Eel river.  It was fun. i asked kat if she would wanna do that sometime but she said Ehh.  so idk.  Possibly. 

Apr. 27th, 2008

08:16 pm - Currently

Currently  I am single.  i am not going to look either.  I have someone to wait for and a promise i intend to keep.  my first semester of school isnt gonna end so great.  im more than likly going to fail 2 outta the 3 classes.  maybe just one.  depends on how the finals go.  this summer im going to try and spend as much time as possible with my friends because once school start again, ill have no time.  cept the weekends which are pretty much taken with visits to ball state.  Which if they Do accept me.  im torn between 2 choices.  Staying here and staying at IUK, graduating and finding a place in Muncie, that is if all is well with Kat and I.  Or going to Ball state and being close to kat, but my worries are that things wont work out and ill end up even more heart wrenched..  Ill still try out for football. Highly doubt ill make the cut, but it's worth a try.  all i know is that my life is going downhill , and im not seeing the end.... 

Apr. 8th, 2008

11:10 am - the World

you know....you think if you have sex with someone you would put all your feelings to them..not have ANY feelings for anyone else.  no past girlfriends, boyfriends or really close friends which never grew into anything else.  i don't get it.  especially when your about to have a kid with someone and you still talk to an ex and have feelings for him or her? or saying i love you someone else other than your best friend and actually meaning it...  and cheating is another part..dont get me started on that.  all of my friends know how i feel on that subject.

I am in college and im trying to do my best.  i have an amazing girlfriend whom i hope to one day marry and grow old and have fun with.  She is my everything..  i honestly dont want to think about losing her.    i would go nuts.  id be a total wreck for the rest of my life. i wouldnt even bother looking for another girl..no one could come close in comparison.  ...

Feb. 10th, 2008

10:03 am - Fun day

Yesterday was rather interesting....

I didnt get off of work till 6am. so i worked from 6pm friday night to 6am saturday morning. Long ass day. we loaded the trucks like normal, then we started taking down racks in the back. me and brian had to get up on the TOP rack and use a power drill and unscrew all the fuckin screws on the top rack..untill we found it easier to just pick it up and slam it down and it broke into peices. then we did that for the rest of the night and picked up everything and took it out to the trash area. we hung out and talked for a while then we came home...after stopping at hardees to get something to eat.

after andy got back from taking his girlfriend home he picked me up and we went to the movies and watched Meet the Spartans.  it wasnt really all the funny...it was different tahts fur sure.  before the movies me and andy got our hair cut at his aunts. 

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Current Mood: angryangry

Jan. 21st, 2008

12:29 pm


I picked up kat after church and we went back to my house.  We roughhoused for a while and then played guitar hero for a bit.  then we did other things and had fun.  had some cake and wrestled some more. then cuddled and loved each other and took a nap.  then i took here home.  on the way home my car took a shit on me.  It pulls a hard left when you brake..so yeah.  it needs helped BAD

Day off:  

Went and picked up kat and we went to IHop and then went to walmart where i got some magic cards..  then we went to Target and i got some supplies and i took her home and the door was locked..so she had to go get a key from the Neighbors.  so she could get in.    Then i said by ill see you tomorrow hopefully.  and here i am typing this  YAY...

Fun life i have.

boring to

cept when im with kat

then its fun

Dec. 19th, 2007

01:18 pm - Lately

    Ive been working alot and i like it then i dont..cuz i need the money for college..but on the filp side i hardly get to see Kat.   which sucks.  bad.
i picked her up from swimming yesterday and she opened one of my xmas presents to her and i think she liked it ..hopefully  .   then when we got to her house she gave me one of mine..a FREAKIN ORANGE BEARS HOODY  FREAKIN AWESOME....i love it..thanks babe.  then we watched the notebook...i almost cried again...god dammit..i cant help it.  its freakin sad.  and im a softy when it comes to things like that...i hate it..

Then kat and her sister got to open up presents..kat got an ipod and an Ihome dock for it and her sister got a camera. both were awesome.  lol
then we went to her room and just talked and hung out and stuff. 

and her mom opened the dishwasher and was like OOOMG  BENNNN   theres a mouse.....lol  i was like SWEET...it went away tho  we couldnt find it. 

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